LazySupper

A "New Site"

2006-05-04T08:52:00.000-07:00

A few months ago (December) a webhost was obtained. A URL was purchased. New look. New logo. Same name. Now at www.lazysupper.com.

Kinder Morgan Logo Mystery Solved

2006-02-09T13:12:00.000-08:00

Tags: Terasen | Oil and Gas | Gas | Kinder Morgan | Canada

Well it seems my suspicions have been confirmed. While I had speculated that the wonderful Kinder Morgan logo had been designed by one of the company's namesake's offspring, I was actually just slightly off the mark.Just a few minutes I overheard some coworkers discuss the lightening bolt and mention who was responsible for the design. I couldn't help but laugh when I heard that it was in fact Rich Kinder's wife. Oh that's rich.

Superbowl Horror Story

2006-02-08T14:50:00.000-08:00

Tags: Steelers | NFL | Football | Superbowl | Seahawks

Finally! After years of saying "next year", last year I was finally right! Because last year's "next year" was this year, and this year they lived up to last year's "next year"! Although I'd loved to see them do it next year as well! Who wouldn't?

Okay, enough exclamation marks. But seriously, who wouldn't? An average of 45.85 million American homes tuned in to watch the Steelers win their fifth Superbowl title—the second highest total in TV history, second only to the final episode of MASH, which was the center of attention in 50.15 million US homes in 1983.

Speaking of television, I watched the game on a nice big Panasonic at friends' house. Admittedly, the first half of the game was somewhat lacklustre overall. However, as soon as they upheld the ruling of Big Ben's rushing touchdown, that beautiful TV went snowy and the surround sound blasted out that fuzzy "chrrrrrr" sound that's saying "you have no cable".

Panic struck the hearts of Steelers and Seahawks fans alike. We had cold beer in the fridge, hot & teriyaki wings cooking in the oven, spin dip, 4 layer dip, and every other dip, chip, and things to sip. It was all there for us to enjoy—and then the cable crashed. A quick phone call to Shaw Cable determined it was due to the recent wind storms along the coast. It looked as though we were going to have to abandon our well-stocked fiesta and find a bar with a connection.

Then an angel appeared from across the street. She came in the form of a middle-aged suburban mom with satellite! She heard our tale of woe and invited the whole lot of us. We were truly blessed! However, just as the third quarter was getting to start, our cable came back on and we were saved from having to make the complicated pilgrimage across the street. We only ended up missing The Rolling Stones half-time show. We were doubly blessed!

We saw Charlie Parker make Superbowl history. We saw Ben Roethlisberger do the same. We saw the return of the Amazing Gadget! We saw Hines Ward become MVP! We saw Jerome Bettis and Bill Cowher finally get their due.

Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!

Steel Rock City!

2006-02-05T12:28:00.000-08:00

Tags: Steelers | NFL | Football | Superbowl | Seahawks

Two hours until kick off. Spinach dip is made, beer is in the fridge, it's almost time to head out. In a little over seven hours from now, Ben Roethlisberger will become the youngest quarterback to ever win a Superbowl. Jerome Bettis will get the icing on the cake of his Hall-of-Fame-to-be career. The New Steel Curtain is in the house.

But why are the Rolling Stones playing at half-time? It's in Detroit. Why isn't KISS performing??

Jihad Journalism & Fatwah Funnies

2006-02-03T10:54:00.000-08:00

Tags: Islam | Muslim | Comics | Religion | Denmark

Well, it looks like it's finally official—the world has lost its sense of humour. It was bound to happen. It's been on a steady decline since 1968 when thin-skinned humourless sticks-in-the-mud set sites on The Censored Eleven (referring to the Looney Tunes and Merrie Melodies cartoons that were banned due to their racial insensitivity).

Although, the 60s were a socially turbulent time in the US (where the cartoons were banned), and perhaps they needed to be banned for a short while to make a point. To move racial equality forward. So they took the dimwitted black hunter who was always being foiled by Bugs Bunny, coloured him white, and called him Elmer Fudd. Such a move immediately brings forth the argument from many that "it's okay to have a dumb white hunter, but it's not okay to have a dumb black hunter." Well... so what? In those days there weren't too many white guys who feared being randomly lynched, or even worse—denied entrance to the best restaurants in town.

Fastforward almost 40 years to 2006. The Danish Jyllands-Posten newspaper publishes a dozen editorial comics poking fun at Muhammad. Within minutes, millions of muslims are mad and a jihad against their journalists is underway. The ink wasn't even dry and the paper was receiving threats to bomb its offices and kill the cartoonists. It sounds a little different than protests and sit-ins, asking for equal opportunities and the option to sit at the front of the bus. And these threats aren't coming from Muslims who are oppressed by the society in which they live. These fanatical fundamentalist freaks are far-off foreigners with their own flag!

There is even a local nutbar here in Vancouver who's getting in on the action. Younus Kathrada, imam for the Dar Al-Madinah Islamic Society, is demanding all Canadian Muslims to boycott all things Danish. Because the newspaper happens to be Danish, the entire nation and all of its industries are at fault? Wow! This guy plays hardball! Goddamn kneejerk fanaticism.

What Muslim fundamentalists have already done is impose their religion's laws upon their fellow citizens. And now they aim to impose their nation's laws upon other nations. Across the globe—Sharia law applies. Sharia law in Canada? Not a chance!

Oh, but wait. It's practiced in Ontario. The Ontario Arbitration Act provides voluntary faith-based arbitration, which allows Muslims, Jews and members of other faiths to use the guiding principles of their religion in settling private disputes such as divorce, custody issues and inheritances outside the courts.

Personally, I don't see how the overtly sexist Sharia law jibes with Canada's equality-driven ethos, but hey, it's voluntary and it's a woman's choice in this country. If a woman wants to give her husband the right to own her, well that's her business. I guess.

But back to the funnies! This is even bigger than the James Frey controversy I yapped about a few weeks ago. Seriously—the world needs to lighten the hell up. It's just a BOOK! These are just CARTOONS! And religion has been the target of satire since satire began. Jesus, Buddha, Yahweh, Jah... they've all graced the pages of the funnies—or worse. In 1987 Andres Serrano dropped a crucifix in a glass of urine, took a picture, entitled it "Piss Christ", and called it art. And he was funded by the taxpayers (via the NEA)! Sure, he pissed off (ignore pun) a bunch Christians and seniors, but he still didn't have to worry about the clearly irate Jesse Helms putting a fatwah on his head. And

Yet overly religious people can't laugh. They lack a sense of humour. They'll cringe at the word "cunt" or cross themselves upon hearing "fuck". They'll blow up a building because of a drawing. They'll send thousands of soldiers thousands of miles to make the savages subscribe. They'll fly jets into skyscrapers. Cut off a man's hand for stealing a loaf of bread. Burn a woman at the stake because she's a midwife. They are very clearly the people who should not be in power, but unfortunately are those who often attain it. And keep it. And abuse it.

Some people need religion. Some people don't. That's fair. And anyway, the world's major religions are all based on the same basic tenet—"be nice". But while everyone may not need religion, everyone needs laughter. The world needs it more than it needs religion. And it needs it now more than ever before. When's the last time a good-humoured leader went off to war? When's the last time a comedian strapped on a bomb and blew up a market?

If the angry people in question had a better sense of humour, I nor millions of others would never have even heard about these comics let alone seen them. But they couldn't laugh. Nope. No way. Thanks to their ruffled feathers and oversensitivity these comics (click image for enlargement) are plastered across the internet and have travelled around the globe a million times. They must feel like their prophet has been shattered into a Million Little Pieces. And they've mostly got their leaders to blame.

State of the Blah Blah Blah...

2006-02-01T12:19:00.000-08:00

Tags: Politics | State of the Union | Bush | America

George Bush captivated millions of mindless Americans for 51 minutes last night with his State of the Union Address. I can't help but wonder if it was he or his advisors who simply picked up a copy of last year's speech, extracted the chief platitudes, and said "Hey, that'll do."

Bush started off acknowledging the passing of Coretta Scott King. Oh that Georgie, he's always been quite the civil rights supporter. Sure, she attended his first inauguration, but was a vocal opponent of his policies and actions after that. Maybe she went to the inauguration for the same reason most people go—the free wine and jumbo shrimp cocktails.

He then continued to acknowledge some very important issues. Some very fresh ideas indeed. I offer a condensed version for those who missed it on TV and don't want to read the entire thing at the Whitehouse.

"Blah blah blah... September the 11th, 2001" [applause]
"...weapons of mass destruction" [applause]
"...the fight against terror" [applause]
"...reaction and opposition [of] radical Islam" [applause]
"...terrorists like bin Laden" [applause]
"...attacks against America" [applause]
"...we love our freedom, and we will fight to keep it" [applause]
"...our enemy is brutal" [applause]
"...Iran...is isolating and repressing its people" [applause]
"...the attacks of September the 11th" [applause]
"...raise standards of living and generate new jobs" [applause]
"...make the tax cuts permanent" [applause]
"May God bless America." [applause]

Wow. It's like nothing I've ever blah blah blah. However, there was one thing Bush said that I found a wee bit interesting—"America is addicted to oil." First of all, no shit. Second of all, wouldn't that make him America's Pablo Escobar?

Paul Martin Can't Quit!

2006-02-01T09:32:00.000-08:00

Tags: Politics | Liberals | Canada | Canadian Politics

Call them the Three Non-Stooges. Or the Three Wisemen. Or Snap, Crackle, and Pop! It doesn't matter, just don't call any of them Leader.

Yesterday political Rat Packer Brian Tobin announced that he would not be putting his name in the hat for the Liberal Leadership. He joins fellow expected-to-but-not-gonna-run Liberals Frank Mckenna and former Deputy Prime Minister John Manley, who have both announced they'd prefer not to captain Canada's political Titanic.

McKenna, Canada's outgoing ambassador to the United States, recently offered a wonderful resignation letter to Ottawa's new top dog Stephen Harper. While he hasn't written a comparably classy letter, upon failing to maintain parliament, former PM Paul Martin stated that he would soon resign his post as Liberal leader. However, how can he resign before a new leader is chosen? Will he deign to simply abandon the party he has served for 33 years? I think not. But what if the remaining possible contenders (Michael Ignatieff, Martin Cauchon, et al.) resist the ego trip to possible PM-ship? After all, it's without a doubt the worst time in Canadian history to take the reigns of the Liberal party. So if no one wants it, he just may be stuck with it. It would be comedic fodder for decades if he couldn't quit!

However, Martin deserves some credit. He stayed on board when the iceberg was spotted. He stayed on board when the iceberg was struck. He's stayed on board since the ship started sinking. He could have pulled a "Mulroney" and abandoned ship, leaving his own version of Kim Campbell to sink it to the bottom. But he didn't. And with an estimated personal net worth of $225 million US, it must have been a tempting jump to take.

Chris Penned. (And Penned Again and Again).

2006-01-26T12:33:00.000-08:00

Tags: Chris Penn | Actors | Hollywood | Deaths

Another bummer from the world of entertainment—Chris Penn dead at forty. No cause of death as of yet, but he did weigh 300 pounds and had done his Hollywood fill of drugs.

I've only ever seen about 15 minutes of Footloose so I was surprised to find out that he was in it. However, I loved The Wild Life when I saw it on video as a kid.

However, what surprised me most was his wiki. The Chris Penn page on Wikipedia was created on January 16th 2006. During just over a year (374 days to be precise) between then and his death, his page was edited 20 times. In the two days since his death? 184! Nearly two hundred revisions were made between 2:08am January 25th and 3:02pm January 26th. In just 37 hours his page was subjected to 184 revisions.

People are rushing to be the first (or among the earliest) to provide "breaking news" and "critical updates" to sites—be them blogs, wikis, or whatever. I checked out his Wikipedia page as it's usually my first stop when verifying information—one article I read claimed that he was 43 while the other pegged him at 40.

I was not overly surprised to see that his date of death had already been added to the page. However, both of his brothers' pages had also been updated. So then I decided to check out his page's history of revisions. I couldn't believe it when I saw the amount of activity. People were in a mad rush to get any piece of the page they could grab—everything from expanding his filmography to correcting spelling mistakes and adding commas.

Long gone are the days when you'd read a story in the paper or hear on the radio or catch it on TV and that was the extent of the information you received.

Or are they? Hasn't it always like this? Before blogs and wikis and tags and 24/7 information, a guy named John Belushi died. And people heard about it on the radio or read it in the paper or saw it on TV. And then they went to work or went for drinks or took the subway or went shopping. And with their coworkers, friends, fellow passengers or shoppers, they talked about the tragic death of John Belushi. And each person had a tidbit of info the others didn't know. And those people couldn't wait to get home or get to work or get to the bar or get on the train to be the first to share their new tidbits with anyone they could. So it looks like I'll have to depart company with Mr. Mcluhan here—the medium's isn't the message, the message is the message.

Google China For No Results

2006-01-26T10:57:00.000-08:00

Tags: China | Politics | Google | Censorship | Democracy

Canada—The World's Least Confident Parliament

2006-01-25T08:19:00.000-08:00

Tags: Politics | Canada | Parliament | Elections

Monday's general election not only gave Canadians a second consecutive minority government, it also gave Canada top honours as the nation with the most prime ministers to have been defeated by votes of non-confidence. Tied for first with the UK since Joe Clark's astounding nine-month term came to a crashing halt in 1980, we have now pulled ahead to stand atop the list with five PM's recently reproached and removed.

That's no small feat—especially given the cost of elections nowadays (see yesterday's post). And, with the previous Liberal minority government being replaced with an ages-old nemesis Conservative minority government, we're sure to see another non-confidence motion hit the floor by the time Harper's term is served.

Come to think of it, I don't have a hell of a lot of confidence in the new government either, and they haven't even been sworn in yet.

Departin' Martin, Harper's Just Startin'

2006-01-24T20:04:00.000-08:00

Tags: Politics | Paul Martin | Stephen Harper | Canadian Election

The results of Canada's 36th general election should come as a surprise to no one. It was obvious that the "tide" was turning, but it should also have been obvious that it wouldn't be a tsunami. We were all fed up with the feds since the sponsorship scandal broke, but it's been clear that Canadians weren't jumping with joy onto the Conservative bandwagon. Personally, I was expecting another (albeit it narrower) Liberal minority government.

Perhaps Paul Martin shouldn't have gotten up on that stage and strummed the acoustic guitar like that so close to election day. For me, it was one of those "he's making me feel embarassed" moments. Perhaps the Liberals shouldn't have ripped off the Canadian public $100 million.

However, the hundred mill wasn't such a factor to me. And if it was all about the money, why didn't more people bitch about the cost another election after only 18 months of parliament? The 2004 election cost $275 million and change. This one will likely end up costing a similar amount.

Furthermore, the average length of a minority government is 18 months. Although not always brought fully to term, a newly elected government in Canada receives a five-year mandate. After a little bit of math, we see that three minority governments could fit quite comfortably within such a mandate. A bit more math ($275M x 3) reveals that three contemporary elections could effectively cost $825 million! With numbers like that we could afford EIGHT Adscams and still have enough left over for a couple of nasty mudslinging by-elections.

Sure, the Liberal sponsorship scandal was done behind doors by a select few shady characters. But the Conservatives and NDP got together as a whole, and scammed us with their whining vote of non-confidence right to our faces.

It would be nice to see the guys and girls in Ottawa actually work together to get something done. But I guess it would be just too big a contradiction to expect politicians to put politics aside.

Steeling the Mile High Feeling

2006-01-24T19:15:00.000-08:00

Tags: Steelers | NFL | Football | Superbowl | Broncos

What a day! The Steelers have hopefully shut up all those people who were yapping about how they got lucky in Indy. 12 more days until Jerome gets his trophy!

Terasen Yard Sale!

2006-01-18T10:30:00.000-08:00

Tags: Terasen | Oil and Gas | Gas | Kinder Morgan | Canada

The guys with the lightening bolt (gotta love the KMI logo) have moved quickly and decisively. They are selling off their recently acquried and wholly-owned subsidiaries Terasen Water and Terasen Utility Services. Granted, they stated from the beginning that the businesses were outside of their core asset base of pipelines and terminals.

The purchasing group is being led by CAI Capital Management Co. and includes the existing management team of Terasen Water and Utility Services. So a little piece of the pie is coming back into Canadian hands—probably by the end of April. And what a steal at C$125 million! However, I don't think anyone should get too excited just yet. Sure, the group includes existing managers and executives at the Terasen companies, but CAI is just a group of venture capitalists looking to make a quick profit. Not that there's anything wrong with that—I just wouldn't start ordering new letterhead in the next year if I worked there. And it may very end up back in grubby little American hands anyway. But what the Hell, it's too late to worry and too soon to cry.

More importantly, regarding Kinder Morgan, is the question of the company logo. At only eight years-old KMI is relatively young for such a large company. So, as it was formed in the late 1990s, this would mean that its logo was also designed in the late 90s. I realize that the 90s had a lot of design flaws and faux pas, not to mention a considerable lack of substance, but I thought people stopped using lightening bolts in the 70s. I can almost hear it now—"zap! zap!"—if they ever decided to dish out for some radio or television advertising. Zap! Zap!

Perhaps one of Rich Kinder's or Bill Morgan's offspring designed it. That would actually make a lot more sense than if they had hired a professional designer to do it. I can't imagine a designer sitting there and saying "hmmm...ya....that looks great! A lightening bolt! How clever! How beautiful! Oh yes... and let's make the bolt RED!"

New Year's Dissolutions

2006-01-17T13:14:00.000-08:00

Tags: Vegetables | Diets | New Years | Resolutions | Food

With great power comes great responsibility. With great amounts of junk food come great amounts of fat.

Now that all the holiday cheer, food, and booze is behind everyone, they look to their future and decide to make a change for the better. And they do. For two – six weeks anyway. This week I've seen no less than three of my coworkers with sandwich bags full of vegetables. These are people who I have witnessed, for the past 11 months, eat nothing but gravy-drenched beef, french fries, mashed potatoes, fish sticks, and anything else that the company cafeteria dished out of it deep fryers, on a daily basis. At lunch-time, no less! A great number of the people in this building eat like it's Thanksgiving every bloody day.

Occasionally I neglect to pack a lunch and am forced to consume the cafeteria's uncomely comestibles. And each time I go there I see the same guy in line and he orders the same thing every time—a bacon cheeseburger and fries. Now I'm no diehard health nut myself, but come on man! But I digress. Chacun son goût, non?

It's just amusing to see all these people go through six weeks of self-improvement before falling back into their old routines. I think next December I'll get a three-month lease on a few thousand square feet downtown. Then I'll rent a bunch of gym equipment. I'll pound the pavement in December and Janaury selling memberships to my great new workout haven. As soon as March hits I'll return the equipment, close the doors, and no one will even notice.

Steelers Deserve Credit, Vanderjagt Deserves a Kick

2006-01-16T13:10:00.000-08:00

Tags: Steelers | NFL | Football | Sports | Pittsburgh

They did it! What a helluva game. I had three heart attacks and a stroke—all in the last five-and-a-half minutes of the game.

The first was a really more of a heart murmur when, with 5:26 left in the game Troy Polamalu picked off a Peyton pass, rolled to the ground, kneed the ball out of his grip on the way back up, fumbled, and then recovered the ball. I cheered and danced and screamed and probably continued to piss off any hungover neighbours that may have been in the vicinity. And then there it came. Tony Dungy's red flag. The Coaches Challenge. The replay was shown 30 times. The call on the field was "interception". It was definitely, without a doubt a clean catch. An overturn was impossible. I would have bet everything I own on the initial ruling. And then referee "Payroll" Pete Morelli called it no good. WTF?! I yelled and stomped and screamed and probably continued to piss off any hungover neighbours that may have been in the vicinity.

The Colts-O got back on the field and two 20+ yard completions from Manning setup a 3-yard touchdown run by Edgerrin James, which was coverted for two. The Darkness came. It looked like it was going to be one of "those games". I was ready to break stuff. But all turned around—even after two forced Steelers punts.

Back to back sacks (numbers 4 and 5) on the Colts' 2 yard-line and I was pissing off my neighbours again— evidently somewhat prematurely along with sidelined Duce Staley. With The Steelers possession and all four downs on the Indy 2-yard line, the game was OVER.

Not so. The Colts still had all three of their timeouts left so a kneel-down wasn't an option. So, hmm? What should the Steelers do on first-down on an opponent's 2-yard line? Give it to Bettis? Unheard of! So I continued to dance my jig, knowing full well that the ever surehanded Jerome would slam his way into the end zone and get another well-deserved post-season TD. But shit! FUMBLE! I screamed in horror as I watched Colts DB Nick Harper snag the ball and start running into the expanse of a wide open field on his way to a season-ending touchdown. But thankfully there was still one Steeler down field—good ole Ben!

But alas, the game was far from over. The Colts had moved into Steelers territory and had one the best kickers in league history warming up. And then—on home turf—Vanderjagt kicked wide. And not just wide... but WIDE. It was like he was being paid by the enemies of whoever was paying Morelli.

After the game Vanderjagt made some comment like "I guess the Lord forgot about our football team." What?! Vanderjagt, I wish you weren't Canadian! Your team played five minutes of football. The Steelers played sixty. And it showed. And the better team won. Enjoy the 19th Hole, dumbass.

Most sports writers still didn't give the Steelers any credit for a great game (except for Vic Carucci) even after the win.

Joey Porter said it best: "I know they wanted Indy to win this game; the whole world loves Peyton Manning. But come on, man, don't take the game away from us like that."

A Million Little Pussies

2006-01-16T10:45:00.000-08:00

Tags: Books | Reading | Drugs | James Frey | Oprah

I finished reading James Frey's best-selling, Oprah-endorsed drug rehab memoir A Million Little Pieces the day that The Smoking Gun "broke" the story. I wasn't shocked that some/much/part of the book was embellished. Anyone who has read the book shouldn't be. A lot of it sounds exaggerated – and any idiot should have seen that.

What has shocked me, however, is the fall-out from the article's (overly smug) claims of fraud (or is it artistic license?). Jesus Christ! It's like the world just found out that The Bible wasn't 100% true! That maybe the authors of The Bible—God forbid!— took some artistic license of their own to make the stories a little more memorable, to get their point across a little more strongly. Maybe Moses didn't magically part the Red Sea, maybe James Frey didn't break an Ohio state breathalizer record. But both get their point across: Moses was great, Frey was shitfaced.

This morning's paper revealed that some opportunistic American bint named Pilar More managed to convince the bottom-feeding Chicago law firm Dale & Pakenas to file suit against Random House. They are seeking status as a class-action suit as well as unspecified damages. I don't recall there being this much of a controversy surrounding Salman Rushdie's Satanic Verses. Ahh yes. The Lawsuit. It's like "The American Fatwa". Just a few small differences though: they use pens not swords, lawyers not followers, and it's for money not belief.

Hell... I think I should sue Mel Gibson for making The Passion of the Christ. Then I'll run out and sue the Catholic Church. I couldn't find any evidence of all those bloody lashings. People (mainly Americans) have too much goddamn time on their hands. All the effort they expend getting incensed over embellishments in a DRUG ADDICT/ALCOHOLIC's memoir could be directed to a million little places more worthwhile and deserving.

And in then end, there's one thing that matters – it was a pretty damn good book. So stop your whining. Whining. Whining. It was a pretty damn good book.

Can't You See I'm Reading?

2006-01-05T14:20:00.000-08:00

Tags: Books | Reading | Pet Peeves | Public Transit | Annoyances

I take the train to work. Every day. It's not my first preference in travel, but it allows me to either: a) get another 45 minutes of rest, or b) catch up on my reading/news/work/etc. Therefore, when I go to and from work I like to do either A or B. Yet much to my chagrin my commute usually plays out as follows:

I find as secluded a seat as possible and thumb to the page where I last left off. A coworker and fellow commuter spots me and aims toward the seat beside me. It's only occupied by my bag, but I feel that when there are many other vacant seats available, a bag means back off unless invited. Begrudgingly (on the inside) I move my bag and enthusiastically (on the outside) welcome my co-commuting coworker. I keep my book open throughout the greeting and sitting process, and try my best to glue my eyes to the page as quickly as possible.

Coworker: So, whatcha reading?

I flip my book over so they can see the cover. I say nothing.

Coworker: Oh, I heard about that. It's supposed to be good. Is it good?
Me: Yeah. I'm enjoying it so far.
Coworker: Really? What's it about again?
Me: It's about this guy... well, you know, I'm not exactly sure yet.
Coworker: (laughs) But so far so good?
Me: Well, I've just started it. Haven't really had a chance to get into it.
Coworker: Oh, I know what that's like. I've been so busy.
Me: Yeah, me too. That's what's nice about taking the train though.
Coworker: Tell me about it!

I figure it's a rhetorical request so I don't. I quickly thrust my eyes back to the page, but not fast enough. My coworker has pulled out their own book. But not to read. Oh, no no no. To talk about.

Coworker: (showing me the cover) I'm reading this right now.
Me: Hmm?
Coworker: Have you read it?
Me: No. No I haven't. I've seen the movie though.
Coworker: Oh yeah, me too. That's why I got the book. I find the book is always so much better than the movie.
Me: Um, yeah. But I think that was a movie first though.
Coworker: Huh?
Me: It was first a movie.
Coworker: (genuinely confused) What do you mean?
Me: That book is an adaptation of the screenplay. The movie came first. Then the book.
Coworker: (bewildered) Oh really? That's weird.
Me: (under my breath) Not really.
Coworker: So, how were your holidays?

I close my book.

Blame Canada!

2006-01-03T13:58:00.000-08:00

"Many Canadians may be surprised to learn that, with the exception of the United States, there are more terrorist groups active in Canada today than in any other country in the world."

The above words are straight from the CSIS website's index page on Terrorism. It should really, however, come as a shock to no one. While we may be tougher on crime than other countires (ie: the USA) in some respects (ex: we don't have stupid laws like "double jeopardy"), we still don't have the balls where it counts. I am, of course, referring to the past year's profusion of shootings across Canada, primarily in Toronto and Vancouver.

Personally, I don't really care if Scumbag A kills Scumbag B. Arrest, convict and imprison Scumbag A, and that's two scumbags off the streets. However, when little pathetic losers open fire on the busiest shopping day of the year, on the busiest street of the busiest city in the country, shoot a 15 year-old girl in the face and wound six others, I get pissed off.

I get pissed off that such cowardly cunts are walking the streets of Canada. I get pissed off that only two of the little shits involved have so far been apprehended. I get pissed off that one of them can't be named in the press because he's "only" 17 years old. Jane Creba has not been extended the right to anonymity and she was only 15. I get pissed of that the other one, 20 year-old Andre Thompson, was recently out on probation after serving a measly 30 days for his role in a convenience store robbery. I get pissed off that they have only been charged with "lesser firearms offences", and only if it's discovered that their gun fired any of the wounding or fatal bullets will they face more serious charges. If you're involved in a gun fight and a bystander gets blown away, I don't care whether it was your bullet or not, you killed them.

Paul Martin talks about banning handguns. What a joke (and insult) that is. As one of his critics said, why not just ban murder? Nearly all of the guns used in crimes are illegal weapons. Besides, when some guy is robbing a bank, is he really going to be concerned whether or not he's using a properly registered weapon? Hey, here's a great idea: Paul Martin could finally put an end to America's war on drugs. He should propose they ban cocaine – problem solved. They might end up being so gracious that they'd finally pay us the $5+ billion they owe us in softwood lumber duties.

Rather than simply telling criminals that it is illegal for them to use handguns when they kill or rob people, think about imposing real mandatory minimum sentences for crimes involving guns. And by real, I mean time actually served. Fuck early release. Use a gun to hold up a convenience store and no one gets shot? 10 years minimum. Blow away your rival? Gone for 25. Kill an innocent bystander? Gone for good.

On December 3, 28 year-old loser Dennis Robert White shot and killed 23 year-old artist and skateboarder Lee Matasi in downtown Vancouver. Two weeks later White was released on bail and able to spend the holiday season with his family. That must have been a wonderful comfort to Matasi's family. More people should phone up (604-660-2744) BC Supreme Court Associate Chief Justice Patrick Dohm (as his email is unlisted) and let him know how they feel about his decision to send a killer home for Christmas.

Whether or not longer sentences are an effective deterrent should not be the only factor. We also needn't only be concerned with rehabilitation. Others say it's all about getting to the "social issues" at the heart of the problem. Bullshit. Some people are just bad. Just like some are good. So what is so wrong with wanting harsher sentences for one simple reason: PUNISHMENT. Look up "justice" in an encylopedia, and you'll see that Canada is seriously lacking it. Canada needs tougher sentences for its criminals. That's it. Period. End of story.

Expedia Hilton Deal

2005-11-07T10:49:00.000-08:00

Tags: Travel | Osaka | Japan | Hilton | Expedia

Just this past Saturday I got an awesome deal on a King-size Executive Room at the Osaka Hilton – $3.03CDN/night! That's for 2 adults and includes breakfast! So I booked ten days for the end of this month, and then ten more days for next June. The total for my November stay of ten nights in this beautiful hotel, after taxes comes to $35.80CDN. They should have promotions like this more often!

Condo, Lez, and Rice

2005-10-27T11:32:00.000-07:00

Tags: Politics | Canada | Republican | America | NAFTA

No, I'm not referring to the ground-breaking, social barrier destroying, new HBO series centered around a newly-immigrated lesbian Filipino couple dealing with an onslaught of home repairs while struggling to understand non-Tagalog legalese during Vancouver's leaky condo crisis.

I am referring to US American Secretary of State, Condoleeza Rice – in Ottawa this week for a two-day jaunt about town to infuriate good Canadians everywhere. She's come here asking for support in Iraq, all the while shrugging off the fact that her home country owes us C$3.5 billion in lumber duties.

And it's not that they can't pay – they simply won't pay because they don't feel like it. Because they're childish, arrogant bastards who think the world belongs to them. Even after a NAFTA committee declared that the duties are rightfully owed to Canada the American government still refused to pony up.

It's not all that surprising though. Even though the USA expects all nations to follow international laws, it plainly believes that those laws do not apply to America the Great. It ignores the UN. It ignores NAFTA. Hell, it even ignores its own electoral system. Ipso facto, it not only ignores the world, it ignores its electorate, thus its people, thus itself. It's an evil beast that has lost all self-control. If America were a single person, it would be regarded as a drunkard, diagnosed schizophrenic, declared unfit, and represent a danger to society.

A Month to Complain

2005-10-18T09:38:00.000-07:00

Tags: Summer | Seasons | Weather | Vancouver | Rain

Well, it's almost been a full month since my last entry. Busy, busy, busy. My CSS course (Tuesday nights) and my Copywriting course (Thursday nights), added to my studying for the JLPT (before and after work), is making time a valued commodity.
So, given the recent arrival of "the other season" in Vancouver, here's my short list of complaints and pet peeves in this fair city.

#5. Eight months of overcast.
#4. The endless rain.
#3. People who have lived here for years and still complain about the weather.
#2. People on downtown sidewalks who use golf umbrellas.
#1. People who walk down Robson Street under the shop awnings - when they are using an umbrella.

Sayonara Summer! （さようなら夏！）

2005-09-22T15:38:00.000-07:00

Tags: Summer | Seasons | Weather | Equinox | Autumn

Well, it's official. One minute ago, summer ended. And what a short summer it was. The weather was rainy and chilly up until July 15th, followed by a solid six weeks of hot sunny days. And then September was a letdown. This is the month that I expect to be Vancouver's best, but it's been wet and cool and grey for a lot of it. And all there is to look forward to weatherwise is eight months of continuous, depressing, shitty grey drizzle.

In response to a "how was your summer?" yesterday, I said to a co-worker "Too short and the weather sucked." And his reply? "Whaddya talkin' about? We had a good seven weeks there of sunshine." But he didn't stop there. No no no. He had the audacity to declare that "we've also had a nice Indian summer." Indian summer? In the summer? This is the second time in as many weeks that someone has misused this term with me. However, the first person may be forgiven, as English is (barely) their second language. But this was a (probably) forty-something, university educated, Canadian born and bread man talking to me. Of course, he believes that seven weeks is a respectable summer season.

Seven weeks? Seven weeks? A season, by definition, is three months long. That's roughly twelve weeks, if you do some basic math. I expect more than seven weeks of carcinogenic UV rays and reduced air quality before I call something "summer". Someone out there owes me another five weeks of sunshine. I don't endure 32 consecutive weeks of unbroken precipitation in North America's wettest major city for a paltry seven weeks of sunshine. Or do I?

It must be time to move.

Blog That!

2005-09-20T08:59:00.000-07:00

Tags: Blogging | Blogs | Blogthis | Spam | Junk mail

Judging by the three comments I received regarding my BlogThis trial posting, it's safe to assume that BlogThis is just another way for some annoying marketer to shove his unsolicited wares in my face. It's doubly disheartening for me, as I receive zero to no comments to begin with. Oh the power of the unheard word.

BlogThis

2005-09-01T22:37:00.000-07:00

Testing BlogThis. That's all.

"Boo" as Bad as Bomb

2005-09-01T07:02:00.001-07:00

Tags: Terrorism | Iraq | War | Politics | News

Terrorism has reached its acme. Every act of terror from this day onward will pale in comparison. And the sadly ironic fact of the matter may be that it was possily not even an overt and intentional act.

Somewhere in the neighbourhood of a thousand people died yesterday when a crowd of Iraqi Shi'ites stampeded off a bridge over the River Tigris in Baghdad. The crowd, on its way to the Kadhimiya mosque for an important religious ceremony, panicked as rumours spread that a suicide bomber was preparing to blow himself up.

No bomb was needed. No martyr. No gun. Just a few words and an already existing fear. That is the realization of terror. That is terrorism fulfilled.

Martha's Home Free

2005-09-01T07:02:00.000-07:00

Tags: Martha Stewart | Crime | Home | Recipes | News

Martha Stewart could finally stop using a popsicle stick to scratch her ankle yesterday. The home design diva and cooking crook finally had her electronic monitoring device removed. (It was originally slated to be unlocked August 10, but the judge slapped Stewart with an extension after it was discovered she may have been attending yoga classes and society events. (Yoga? Oh my God! I wonder what kind of penalty Tae Bo would have gotten her.)

Along with the anklet removal, Martha is finally free from what must have been an arduous five months of house arrest. After all, this is a woman who owns a magazine entitled "Living" - dedicated to making your home life as wonderful and pleasurable as possible. Sentencing Martha Stewart to house arrest is like sentencing Charlie Sheen to spend six months at Heidi Fleiss's brothel.

Nuddha Buddha

2005-08-30T22:28:00.000-07:00

Tags: Buddhism | Religion | Words | Language | Googlewhack

Just an idea that came out of a recent Messenger conversation: Nuddhabuddha.

A naked Buddha? Finding enlightenment through nekkidness? Who knows? I sure don't. But I like it. Praise the Nuddhabuddha! (It's also fun to say.)

Guest Origijoke #2

2005-08-29T18:35:00.000-07:00

Tags: Humour | Humor | Jokes | Funny | Beef

From the same friend who came up with Guest Origijoke #1, as he was driving through Alberta today:

A rancher and a shepherd are standing together at the side of a pasture.

Rancher: "Cattle is the best investment, and beef is the tastiest meat."

Shepherd: "That's not what I herd."

Who Shot Joe Pesci?

2005-08-29T16:21:00.000-07:00

Tags: Movies | Actors | Entertainment | Celebrity | Missing Persons

There were two major contributing factors that had my ass stapled to my sofa Sunday afternoon - my hangover and the return of Vancouver's drizzling grey weather. Unable to meet the physical demands of even the lightest housework, and far too obtuse to get any writing or other "grey matter required" work done, armed with two pillows a blanket, I planted myself in front of the TV. My first foray into non-football Sunday morning television in many years resulted in me promptly falling back to sleep for another two hours.

After wake-up effort #2, I assembled a breakfast of coffee, juice, fruit, and part of last night's calzone. Back at my cozy couch refuge, My Cousin Vinny was just starting. I had forgotten how hot Marisa Tomei is, and deemed the flick worthy of two hours of my brain dead time.

An hour or so into the movie something began to nag away inside me, but I couldn't quite place what it was. I knew it wasn't my houseguest, because she was still fast sleep. Another thirty minutes had passed until I figured it out: where the hell is Joe Pesci? I suddenly realized that I hadn't seen him in a new movie since Lethal Weapon 4 - and that was in the 90s! I knew that I had to be wrong. I was going to chalk it up to watching too many foreign films. But I couldn't sit still, even in my pathetically weakened state. So I shuffled over to my desk, opened my laptop and went to IMDB in search of Joe Pesci.

I was shocked. Because I was right. I couldn't believe it - Lethal Weapon 4 was Pesci's last performance... back in 1998. Seven long years ago. Where has he been, Tibet? I wondered if perhaps I had his missed his death during my year-and-half in Japan (as had happened with John Ritter and a number of others). Further investigation was required, so I set to work. Funnily enough, I found three current news articles about Pesci from the past week, none of them acting-related:

1. Joe Pesci's ex arrested for attempted murder: His ex-wife, Claudia "Marty" Haro, was arrested after the hitman she hired to kill her second husband, a stuntman, failed to finish the job.

2. Pesci Poser Draws a Crowd: Jim Breuer, the comedian who used to do his Pesci impersonation on SNL, was busted in Philadelphia for actually impersonating Pesci, signing autographs, posing for photo ops, and doing other "star" things that he apparently can't do on his own fame. You know your career sucks when...

3. Slide Home wins Del Mar feature: Slide Home, a 6-1 choice, won Monday's $60,000 feature race at Del Mar. The horse's owner? Joe Pesci.

Apparently he also cut a CD back in 1998: Vincent La Guardia Gambini Sings Just for You. But I couldn't find any articles as to why he hasn't made any films since then. Even Ralph Macchio has made a few since then! What the fuck Joe? You're a funny fuckin' guy. Make some fuckin' movies already, you fuckin' guido mother-fucker you.

Houseguest Creates Apathy

2005-08-29T14:34:00.000-07:00

Tags: Life | Personal | Friends | House Guests | Time

I don't think it's a coincidence that my last entry was August 14 and my houseguest arrived on August 15. Not that I've minded the home-cooked meals, regular sex, clean dishes, and numerous other perks that have accompanied her presence. It's simply that it has struck me just how many 'regular' things a person can give up without even noticing. Little parts of our daily routine can get put aside a few times and go unnoticed. After a couple of days we may notice it gone, but push it to the side again. Eventually it's something that we "used to do".

However, when we intentionally try to stop doing something, it's an entirely different story. Stop eating so much crap. Quit smoking. Drink less. Exercise more. If we could approach these purportedly more important routines with the same amount of apathy as we do with others, life would be far too easy. In fact, perhaps a little more apathy is exactly what this world needs.

Most definitely, an increase in apathy would see a decrease in war. We would witness reductions in bar brawls, road rage, and workplace shooting sprees. There would also be an increase in equality. For instance, if criminals did happen to find the occasional jolt of motivation, police response would be equally slow to all social classes of neighbourhoods.

Of course, charities would likely take a bigger hit from apathy than they currently do from greed. Rallies for all causes, both left-wing and right-wing, would suffer even more embarassingly low turnout rates. And it may even lead to a day when all pro sports begin to experience attendance like Major League Baseball.

Could a world survive under such an "apathocracy"? Would anything get done? Maybe not, but who would care?

World's Oldest Young Offender

2005-08-14T08:11:00.000-07:00

Tags: Vancouver | Crime | Fraud | Scams | Olympics

The Vancouver Province headline reads "Surrey man frightened after admitting to Olympics scam". Who is it that he is afraid of? The RCMP? The vengeful victims of his scam? The local Indian community? No. No. And no. He's referring to his parents, and how they are going to react when they find out what he's done.

And what is it exactly, that Khorum Ali Chaudry did? He placed scam ads in the Daily Ajit, a Punjabi online newspaper, seeking construction workers to help with the multi-million dollar contracts his company had secured for the Vancouver 2010 Olympics. The only catch was the $10.50 USD application fee. After the September 26 deadline, however, applicants would be charged the usual $350 "evaluation charge". Maybe he overshot that last part a little - he should've kept it somewhat reasonable, $150 perhaps?

Now, I typically wouldn't find a story like this very interesting, let alone amusing. However, Mr. Chaudry's comment to the press made the article all the more worth the read. In the same breath that he expalained how he "was just crazy to make money", he seemed to give us a hint as to how he may proceed with his defence, as well as being responsible for the following great newspaper quote:

"You know how teenagers are," said the 24-year-old pizza deliveryman.

Oh, we sure do. They can be pretty crazy some times. But does he know how teenagers are? It's quite possible that he doesn't - seeing as he hasn't been a teenager in five or arguably six years. Is he trying to pull a quick again? Maybe some quick thinking on his part, hoping to trick the cops and courts into charging him as a young offender. Good work Mr. Chaudry, I wish you the best of luck. But may I suggest you hire professional legal counsel?

7 Years is too Long for Murderer

2005-08-10T08:08:00.000-07:00

Tags: Vancouver | Crime | Law | Justice | Murder

Teen killer and icy bitch Kelly Ellard's defence team is searching for reasons to stay in the spotlight just a little bit longer, having set in motion their master plan for yet a fourth trial or even an outright acquittal. Her lawyer Peter (which is a slang term for penis) Wilson wrote that the "sentence imposed was, in all circumstances, excessive."

Excessive? Ellard received a scant seven years for the 1997 beating/drowning/torture murder of 14 year-old Reena Virk. A beating so vicious that it left shoe imprints in Reena's skull. Seven years? If anything, the sentence is far too lenient. Ellard should be locked away for at least twice as long as that. I can't comprehend how her lawyer can seriously believe this. It's one thing to provide your defendant with counsel to the best of your ability, but another to rally behind a sociopath like Ellard as if she's Joan of Arc. Seven years - that's a joke, not justice.

I Swear I'll Never Get Another Tattoo

2005-08-09T23:07:00.000-07:00

Tags: Tattoos | Ink | Body Art | Tattoo | Kanji

Just a little pic I found surfing around that brought a smile to my face. For crazy Westerners getting their shit set straight on their (already-on-skin) Chinese character ink check out Hanzi Smatter.

World Ban on Sandwich Bags!

2005-08-09T17:41:00.000-07:00

Tags: Sandwich | Food | Lunch | Bags | Plastic

Something that has bothered me for a long time has been the sandwich bag. I fail to see how it has remained (successfully) on the shelves of supermarkets for so long. Put a tuna sandwich in one and see what you have left by the time you get to work or school or wherever you happen to be taking it. Try the same with a salmon sandwich. Or chicken salad sandwich (side note: impossible to say without doing Jack Nicholson impression). Or any sandwich of substantial ingredients. The only sandwiches that those flimsy sheets of plastic are good for are peanut butter & jam, or those floppy sliced bologna sandwiches that moms used to have their unsuspecting offspring take to elementary school (they don't still make those do they?).

The Better Business Bureaus of this world should not permit these pathetic polyethylene envelopes to be called "sandwich" bags. Maybe "sliced bread bags". Or I might even go as far as "PB&J Bags" or "Bologna Bags". But definitely not sandwich bags. Because if you put any self-respecting sandwich in one, you'll be having salad for lunch.

The Pledge Of A grievance

2005-08-05T15:13:00.000-07:00

I always say it's a great day for Canada when we sell off more of our natural resource infrastructure to the Americans. Of course, when I say this the sarcasm in my voice is clearly evident. It was announced on Monday (which happened to be a Canadian civic holiday but a regular American working day) that Texas-based energy behemoth Kinder Morgan Inc. will be acquiring Vancouver-based Terasen Inc. Now I don't want to sound anti-American, but when the hell are we going to slam on brakes and stop those bloody Yankees from usurping every last drop of Canada's resources? How much time do we have left before we become the 51st state?

I am also doubly distraught by Monday's merger message, for I happen to work for Terasen. But I am not up in arms for the same reasons that so many of the people around here have been. It seems like the first thing off everyone's lips and the only thing on their minds is their own job security. Okay, I can't blame people for having their self-preservation genes kick it up a few notches when their employer is at the checkout counter. But, barely has there been an audible mousefart about the fact that another chunk of Canada is being sold off to the Americans. The corporate kowtowers around here seem to buy in to the Yankees' jinogism that "they're not buying the resources, they're simply buying the means of transporting them". It makes me think of that recent news story in which those three enterprising young men dug a tunnel from their property in Canada to a farm in the US. Under the border. Hey... what's the problem? Why couldn't the DEA just trust those guys not to use the tunnel for criminal purposes? Perhaps not the best analogy, but it'll have to suffice until I cool off.

Canada is starting to resemble a terminally ill diabetic, being amputated one piece at a time. America is our doctor, but it's certainly offering no cure. It will come in every now and then to take just a little bit more, leaving us just a little bit less. And the messages will be "it's not your water, just the way to move it".
"It's not your health care, just the way you use it".
"It's not your tax dollar, just the way you spend it."
"It's not your education, just the way you teach it."
"It's not your sovereignty, it's just the way you live."

Anne Coulter's a Bitch (and apparently an alien)

2005-07-29T23:55:00.000-07:00

Tags: Politics | Conservative | Republican | News

At first thought, the extent to which I despise Anne Coulter has no end. But upon second thought (while I still wouldn't cry ar river if she happens to get kidnapped and made to repent live on Al Jazeera), I realize that she's really just a big joke. She's the "shock jockette" (new term: "shockette"?) of the pseudo-newsworld. That's it. Nothing more. To give her any more credit than that, validates her ridiculous and purposefully outrageous views. So while I was at one point considering creating annecoulterthebitch.com, I've since realized that that would only give her one more reason to keep her gasbag heaving.

I soon realized that her sophomoric comments are nothing more than a lame schtick to evoke reactions at the basest levels. To create a website denigrating her would only further legitimize her acrimonious dogmatic rhetoric. Even this little post is giving the weathergirl-made-good too much consideration. I'll end here, as it is increasingly difficult to refrane from bursting into a diatribe of profanity I haven't felt like expressing since Superbowl XXX.

It is no surprise that she doesn't have an email link on her website.

Thanks to OverSpun for the alien evidence.

Note: The misspelling of her first name is intentional. I know she'd appreciate it as she loves the French and Quebecois so very dearly.

Visitor Q (ﾋﾞｼﾞﾀ Q)

2005-07-29T22:49:00.000-07:00

Tags: Movies | DVDs | Film | Entertainment | Japanese Movies

I finally got around to watching Visitor Q (ﾋﾞｼﾞﾀ Q) last night. I guess I could go into my thoughts about how I feel that his film is possibly delving into the dark psyche of either the kyodatsu condition or kasutori culture of postwar Japan. But I'd be full of shit. I may as well profess that I fully and completely understand Fellini's 8 1/2, or claim that I recognize a definite plotline in Dali's Un Chien Andelou. (Mentioning both these films in the same post - if at all - is pretentious enough for Chrissakes).

I'd love to sit down and talk to someone who can explain the interconnectedness and character acceptance of the incest, rape, teen prostitution, random violence, mother abuse, bullying, drug use, sadomasochism, necrophilia, projectile lactation, child murder, and sodomy that flows throughout the film. Actually... no I wouldn't. Because they would be full of shit. Unless that person was actually Miike Takashi himself. But even then, no I wouldn't. Because he'd likely be the fullest of shit of all. After all, why the hell would he expalin it to me?

If you're a Miike fan you'll like this flick. However, the fact that it was his 62nd directorial effort in a ten year period shines through (ie: boom mics constantly hover near the top of the screen). But it's fun and fucked up. Just like Miike should be.

Every Thought's Been Thought

2005-07-27T21:22:00.000-07:00

Tags: Writing | Ideas | Thought | Creative

It's not only a damn shame, it gets damn frustrating. And it's something everybody has experienced. Those moments when you have a great idea. An idea that is new to you. An original idea. But dammit, with this damn Internet, you can crush that warm fuzzy feeling in the time it takes you to type your "original" idea into your favorite search engine. And reveal anywhere from a handful to a globeful of others who have had that same idea. This complaint is not even original. It's common even. But come on... "raisin cloud"? Why the hell did someone else out there think of that? Mind you, it was only ONE hit. So I guess I should find some solace in that fact. Raisin cloud should have, could have, would have been mine. If it wasn't that one little stranger, Hashim Shafiq, half a world away.

This Weekend's DVDs

2005-07-25T22:36:00.000-07:00

Tags: Movies | DVDs | Film | Entertainment | Videos

Well, I guess it was only a matter of time before I started running out of things to write about (every month or so), so I've sunk to what I've been watching recently. After a fun-filled BBQ on my friend's patio zapping moths and other flying pests with an electrified pseudo-badminton racquet, I rented a few DVDs to relax with over the remainder of the weekend.

The first DVD I rented was Suspect Zero, starring Aaron Eckhart as the stereotypical troubled previous-case-gone-bad FBI agent, Carie Anne Moss as his predictably estranged lover, and Ben Kinglsey as the Mysterious Guy. It was watchable - but lacked a lot of the suspense I was expecting (based on the previews). And a lot of things remain unanswered, such as: the history behind the relationship between Eckhart and Moss is never explained, let alone resolved by the film's end. Why even create a realtionship between the two character's if it is going to have no consequence to rest of the film? If it were a David Lynch film, then I could understand (ex: repeated closeups of a gun on the wall that never gets fired, let alone mentioned again), but it is not a Lynch film. Even though it is arguably a film about symbols, it is not a film of symbolism.

Second was Intacto, an Italian film that I hoped would live up to being the thriller its box-cover promised. It did not. While it had a somewhat interesting premise based on the "power of luck", it ended up falling short. The characters were weak - especially that of Max von Sydow. Whatever... I'm not a film critic. It just seems like something that could have been a lot more than what it was.

I also rented Visitor Q (Bizita Q or ビジタQ), a Miike Takashi film from a few years back, but have yet to watch it. I've got it for a week so I'm in no hurry.

このポストは日本語です。

2005-07-23T16:40:00.000-07:00

京都にいたときギオンに行けませんでした。迷子になったからです。

You must be able to view Asian fonts to read this post (due to it being in my poor Japanese and all).

The Problem Solving Problem

2005-07-22T15:05:00.000-07:00

Now, I like technology as much as the next guy. And probably more, depending whom I'm standing next to. In fact, I'm addicted to Google. (Well, not just Google - but they seem to be the fastest and least muddled search site around). This is due to the fact that I've a longstandnig addiction to (often trivial) information, and cannot tolerate not knowing something. Especially if I can know it rather effortlessly. However, I have my limits. I don't believe it should kill the human spirit.

The case in question: I am currently halfway through The Da Vinci Code. Last night, as i sat on my deck watching a raccoon drag its criminal ass across the top of my backyard fence, I looked down my paperback. I (like many other readers I assume) began to wonder what kind of anagram "The Da Vinci Code" is. So I played with the letters around my mind. And then on a pad of paper. I came up with "Vindicated Echo" and "The Candid Voice". And the less impressive "Death Video in CC". And a few more I can't recall.

Anyway, I decided to punch my results into Google to see if there are any references to something called "The Candid Voice" out there. Fourth on the results page - "Da Vinci Code Anagrams". Blast! Oh well, I wasn't that surprised. So I followed the link - only to discover that the anagrams were the result of some software program called "Anagram Genius"!

That's so weak. So pathetic. Will people soon have a program to do their crossword puzzles for them too? Maybe SONY can develop something that plays people's Playstation games for them. I'd love a robot to go to the beach for me. To go camping for me. Play sports for me. Watch movies for me. Soon we won't be required to do anything - let alone think.

So to the "genius" behind Anagram Genius: I dunno... you figure it out.

A New Look Nobody's Looking At

2005-07-21T22:11:00.000-07:00

After a gruelling day of ripping apart my former blog template and slapdashedly teaching myself CSS, I've granted this fledgling little blog of mine a new look. Less color, fewer borders, fewer images! Back to basics. But a new banner! And not a borrowed header either... that's what's key. All original graphics here now. That's even my very own eyeball that nobody's seeing. So no more "something borrowed, something blue". Oh - that's for weddings, not websites. Whatever, I'm not getting married soon anyway. Although I do love the aroma that my rice cooker is emitting right now. My basmati smells like fresh popcorn. Time to eat!

"Example Guy" Re-ignites My Opinion Faculties!

2005-07-18T23:23:00.000-07:00

I do have an opinion! And oddly, it's on the side of the guilty. I say oddly because I am not one who usually sides with the criminal in any case. The stiffer the sentence the better, I say. But this most often has to do with cases involving violent criminals who always seem to get off far too lightly.

The case that I am referring to now though is that of Bernie Ebbers, the CEO of Worldcom who played a central role in the $11 Billion fraud that brought down the telecommunications company in 2002.

Now, I think that he should pay - financially and "prisonally". But twenty-five years? Give me a break! The majority of murderers in the US don't receive sentences that long. And drunk drivers who kill never do. A quarter-century sentence for white-collar crime is not only excessive, it's ridiculous. The sentencing really expresses what is important in American society - money. A crackhead who blows away a mother of four walking home from the grocery store gets twelve years, while a man who steals a bunch (albeit an astonishing amount) of money receives a sentence more than twice that.

I guess the judge thought that he's setting an example with Mr. Ebbers. And it sucks for Mr. Ebbers that he has to be "Example Guy". Nobody wants to be Example Guy. Everyone has been at some point in their life. Whether it be in grade school, or university, at work, or out on the street after the clubs have closed and the cops are in need of one. Being Example Guy sucks. But come on... twenty-five years? Why not just set him on fire on the courthouse steps?

Lost: Opinions. Reward if Found.

2005-07-18T22:25:00.000-07:00

It worries me. When I was in university I may as well have worn a T-shirt emblazoned with that ubiquitous slogan about opinions and assholes. I had an opinion about everything. Even if it was something that didn't even merit an opinion (off the top of my head, let's say - oxygen) I still made sure mine was heard. This continued into grad school. And even after grad school. Well, up until recently, I guess. Now I seem to be numbed and dumbed. And it scares me. Is this an age thing? Is it just because I've lost my angst? It shouldn't be - because I lost my angst long before I stopped being voraciously opinionated. After all, losing one's angst is not akin to Austin Powers losing his mojo.

angst
noun : an acute but unspecific feeling of anxiety; usually reserved for philosophical anxiety about the world or about personal freedom .

"Philosophical anxiety about the world or about personal freedom." That's why we're angst-ridden during our youth. We're still fighting for our personal freedom. We're still trying to figure out the world. But then we get older, we get careers, and (perhaps most importantly) we stop doing hallucinogenics. But then we also have a whole slate of other things to worry about - mainly financial, it sadly seems (at least for me and those I know, anyway). But we no longer have anxiety about the world - we know it's fucked. We're jaded. We're numb. Or we've simply given up caring. Or we're successful, or too busy trying to be, to notice much anything else. Sure, we can complain about interests rates, debts, and the cost-of-living, but we've all long since put to bed the illusion that we're going to change the world.

But wait a minute! That's a load of bunk. That's not me. I'm not jaded. And I seem to care more now than I did before. I hadn't cried at a movie until just a few years ago. And now I find my eye getting moist during sappy long distance commercials! And dammit, I still have a bloody good chance of changing something in this godforsaken world (hey - that felt a wee bit angsty). And I've also become more of an environmentalist than I was when I was younger. And I must admit that I'm still fairly immature (see forthcoming fart joke entry). Maybe I still do have a few opinions left in me. Perhaps I just think before I speak nowadays. Perhaps not. Perhaps I just needed something to write about in my waning blog.

London Calling

2005-07-08T08:15:00.000-07:00

Tags: London | News | Terrorism | Politics | Current Affairs

Four attacks killed dozens and injured hundreds in London yesterday. And the rhetoric began to fly as tastefully as strewn body parts. "Al Qaeda Alive and Well" read one headline. "New Terrorists Blend In" read another. "It was Only a Matter of When." "Canada on Heightened Alert." "US Heightens Security on Transit Systems."
First of all, it's great the media can state the blatantly obvious. They're like that kid in your class who always rephrased what the professor had just said, starting with something like "so what you're saying is..."
Secondly, it's the same thing every time with the governments. They think that if an attack happens halfway around the world (or even at home or the nation next door) that it signifies the beginning of an all-out invasion. Yet, what it nearly always does is signify the start of a prolonged absence of attacks. So while governments scramble and panic and run amok getting everything ship-shape and secure, The Terrorists are patting themselves on the back with another successful mission. However, the mission was not to blow up buses and trains and babies and grammas. That's all just part of the process. The mission is always to create terror. To induce the scrambling and panicking and running amok.

Finally, some CNN dye-job asks her correspondent in London: "What is the general sense of things in London right now?"

What did she expect to hear? "Oh, fairly calm y'know."

"And what are people's reaction to these bombings? What have they been like?"

These were serious questions! Asked by the (self-proclaimed) leading news source in the world!

Don't get me wrong. Attacks like these (or any attacks for that matter) disgust me. I'd like to see every one of those bastard's get shit-kicked into an immediate grave.
But I don't need my news insulting me as well.

Is There Any History Left?

2005-06-15T23:14:00.000-07:00

The title of this entry is a bit of a misnomor. Of course, there is history that remains. That is, essentially, the only thing that history does. That is precisely what makes it history. To clarify, my question, or more aptly my concern, regards the unfortunate state that has become of the world's traditions. To hear stories of the past one can't but yearn for a time machine. Everything from those days of yesteryear seem so much more desirable than what we have today. From watching That 70s Show to reading Memoirs of a Geisha (to use two popular examples), doesn't the world we live in today seem like a mangled and furious disturbance of a something lost? A world without innocence, tradition, values, or respect? [more - hopefully- later].

Guest Origijoke #1

2005-05-29T00:45:00.000-07:00

My friend burst a couple of synapses coming up with this amusing little quip.

Did you hear about the atheist charity?

It was a non-prophet organization.

An then I laughed.

Lazy QUESTION #1

2005-05-20T23:24:00.000-07:00

OK, here's my first (and maybe last) dumb-ass trivia question.
Which of the following does not belong:
1) New York
2) Hong Kong
3) Paris
4) London
5) Tokyo

Hmm? What a goddamn mystery!
Okay, here's the goddamn answer...

Well, it could be New York, because it's the only listed city in North America.
Or it could be? Paris, because all of the other cities happen to be "port towns".
Or it could be Hong Kong, as it is the only listed city that is currently under the governance of a communist regime. Perhaps it should be Tokyo, as all other cities were "Allied victors" in WWII.
Or it could be...
Or it could be London, because... damn!
Here's where I need help. Why is London not "SPECIFICALLY" different than the others? I guess, perhaps it is!
Email me if you can figure out why the rest don't belong.
THE ANSWER: (odd looking word). Paris... because it is the only land-locked city of the bunch. But, there must be more reasons! Can you think of any? Do you care?

050505

2005-05-06T08:51:00.000-07:00

Dang! I meant to get a post up yesterday for the triple five soul in me, but alas, i failed. So, the double five six will have to suffice.

Origijoke #6

2005-02-25T11:39:00.000-08:00

Q. What did the blistering sun do to the bicycles-built-for-two?

A. Tanned 'em.

Origijoke #5

2005-02-25T11:28:00.000-08:00

Q. Why was the new restaurant manager nervous about going in to work?

A. He had to can Eloni.

(Is this one an all-time low? Can a joke get worse? Check out Origijoke #6 and decide.)

Suicide is Painful

2005-02-22T19:56:00.000-08:00

What the hell is going on with the world? High profile car crashes, sex scandals and drug busts are expected, but what's with the current trend of famous final exits?

Lee Eun Ju, the beautiful Korean film star, hanged herself today at the age of 24. Her suicide note read: "Mother, I'm sorry. I love you." In a separate suicide note, the actress wrote, "I wanted to do too much. Even though I live, I'm not really alive. I don't want anyone to be disappointed. It's nice having money... I wanted to make money." They believe she was depressed over steamy nude scenes she done for "The Scarlet Letter" last year. But suicide? Paris Hilton, Pamlea Anderson and others stars who had explicit and personal sex scenes released into the public arena without their consent or intention are still breathing.

And just back in November the talented Iris Chang, author of the controversial and gut-wrenching The Rape of Nanking, shot herself in the head on the side of a California highway at the age of 36. She had recently been treated in the hospital for depression.

And then on Sunday afternoon Hunter S. Thompson ... he was not so young and he was a booze-&-drug-fueled madman, but I wish the damn genius could have stuck it out a while longer. At least long enough to wave good-bye (while lurking in the bushes) when Bush finally leaves the White House.

Is suicide becoming more common? Or just more widely reported? People have been leaving marriages at the drop of a hat for a couple of decades now. Will they soon be doing the same with their lives? The sanctity of marriage has long since dissolved ... hopefully we'll be able to hang on to the sanctity of life.

Always Right

2005-02-22T12:06:00.000-08:00

In the case of factual arguments I am never wrong. This is not due to any superior intelligence on my part, but rather the ability to keep my mouth shut unless I am certain my facts are right.

Sadder Day in Society

2005-02-22T07:16:00.000-08:00

Goin', goin', gone-zo. The world lost a great one on Sunday when HST bit his gun. A man who proved that it's possible to be a liberal who loves guns and a conservative who loves drugs - all at the same time. Rights, freedoms and hallucinations - a modern day John Stuart Mill on mescaline. How could he be Left Right and Centre? Honesty. He didn't pander to one side or the other like most (all) journalists. He lived on his own terms. He died on his own terms. Crazy shit but not bullshit, and always 'cause he gave a shit. Hunter S Thompson was the shit.

"The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over." -HST

Sad Day in the Steel City

2005-01-24T08:48:00.000-08:00

It looked like The Steelers were going to fight back against a hefty deficit at the start of the 2nd half yesterday. I cheered and yelled and waved my Terrible Towel and annoyed the Hell out of my neighbours all for naught. One thing, however, is that the blame can be evenly spread around the team. First of all...
Roethlisberger: you can't throw 3 interceptions in a playoff game. plain and simple.
The Offense: couldn't punch it in when 1st and on the Pats 5.
The Coaching: what the Hell was that 2nd down lob to Burress when Jerome or Duce should've rammed it in for seven.
The Defence: forced no fumbles and got no picks. Where was Polamalu's usual brilliance?
Penalties: Two too many (especially as they were two devastating penalties). Aaron Smith's 5yrd holding call when the Pats were 3rd and 17 on their own 37 led to a Patriots TD and kill some fine Steeler momentum.
The Silver Lining? While I've been saying "next year" for the past decade, this time it's actually a very real (and likely) possibility. Finally, The Steelers found their quarterback.

And I thought I'd Never Get to Tag Again...

2005-01-18T15:43:00.000-08:00

Here goes my little attempt at tagging technocrati through the tags weblog and politics - perhaps I could have chosen better, so I'll just tell myself that I'll edit this post sometime soon.

The New Year Has Become This Year

2005-01-18T15:24:00.000-08:00

No posts for about a month. Just letting the New Year sink in. Well, not really. Just rather lazy at work I guess.

Timeless Time

2004-12-23T10:26:00.000-08:00

Speaking of time (see previous post)... I'm just curious, if a diamond watch is timeless is it still a watch? Wouldn't it be more of a bracelet?

Two Days To Christmas

2004-12-23T09:28:00.000-08:00

It's hard to believe tomorrow is Christmas Eve! Well, not really. Not any more difficult than it is to believe that today is December 23rd or how I assume it will be to comprehend that it is February 18th or March 3rd or April 25th or - et cetera.
People are so often amazed at "how times flies". Every December I always hear remarks about how they can't believe that it's already the year yada-yada. Next week we're all sure to hear on an hourly basis that someone "can't believe that's it's already 2005!"
Well I ask, why not? Think back about all that has happened in your life since 01/01/2004. In the past twelve months I've lived in a foreign country, traveled to another, moved back to my homeland, visited my hometown, had a death in the family, a relationship end, quit an old job, got a new job, lost friends, gained friends, re-acquainted with old friends, quit smoking, started smoking, quit smoking again, lost weight, gained weight, lost weight (but not enough), got the worst flu ever, moved into a new apartment (twice), got depressed, got over it, got lazy, got motivated, got drunk, got laid, got milk, got ... a lot done in 2004. So I can believe it's 2005. And if most people think for a minute before they become absolutely astounded at the nearing New Year they will probably realize that "yep ... that was about a year."

Merry Christmas & Happy This Year!

Well Good!

2004-11-30T08:42:00.000-08:00

Why is it so difficult for people to say "well"? Is it that challenging to stammer out the single syllable? This seems to be the case with everyone I work with.
"She's not doing too good."
"I'm not feeling good."
"They did good on their test."
"Does it usually work pretty good here?"

What's so great about "good"?

Such an annoying pet peeve to have.

As A Matter of Fax Continues

2004-11-29T13:40:00.000-08:00

I refaxed Mr. Smith and again the fax came back. So I phoned him again.

ME: "Hi Mr. Smith ... I tried sending the fax again. And again. And it came back. Again. And again."

MR. SMITH: "Well I don't know why you can't make it work. Because my fax machine is just fine. It has rang a few times and I've picked up my phone and can hear the fax noise..."

(Silence)

ME: "Must be something on my end. I'll mail it."

As A Matter of Fax

2004-11-29T08:14:00.000-08:00

I just got oof the phone with a man whom I've been trying to send a fax to, so far without success.

ME: "Hi Mr. Smith. I've tried sending you a fax twice now and both times it has come back to me with an error saying your fax is busy or no signal."

MR. SMITH: "Oh yah ... well, what you have to do with the fax is ... is dial my number and then press SEND or START."

(Silence)

ME: "Really?" (Trying to remain patient) "Well, I'll just give it another go then. Let me just confirm your fax number..."

(Thank you Mr. Smith for your insight).

The Bashin' of the Christ

2004-11-26T23:50:00.000-08:00

Well I finally saw The Passion of the Christ. How uplifting. It's so easy to foresee the obvious sequel(s) that no doubt countless people have already thought of. The most obvious one I would think is The Passion of the Christ 2: Resurrection. It's just a given, especially coming from a man who starred in Lethal Weapon 4. It certainly was brutal in its graphic portrayal of torture: hanging flesh, exposed rib cage, anon anon. What more could be offered? 2 hours of bloody torn flesh. Too bad it didn't go beyond that. What was Christ's "passion" anyway? He was a masochist who liked getting whipped, beaten and tortured? Check out the Ichi the Killer for a similar, but much more entertaining, character.

A Question of Principles?

2004-11-18T09:12:00.000-08:00

Is it vain to stay home sick from work three consecutive days due to a horrendous pimple on the end of one's nose?

Dream

2004-11-12T11:12:00.000-08:00

Two nights ago I was out at some type of campsite with a 6' wide footbridge over a mid-sized river. There was a bear on the loose on the other side of the river and it was making its way toward the bridge. The other campers, for some reason, called upon me to stop the bear. Someone handed me a shotgun and I loaded a shell into it as the bear made its way onto the bridge. As it charged at us it turned into an all-white collie. I opened fire and shot it in the chest. We approached it on the bridge and realized it was a woman in her twenties. We took her across the bridge to someone I knew (but can't picture) who was a nurse. There were about a dozen or so little holes in her side but it looked like she was going to pull through. I then ended up at the dinner party of a friend. Two or three of the six people there left early because they had tickets to the Canucks game (vs. Dallas) and I was surprised because I was not aware that the NHL lockout had ended.
Strangely, last night (in my dream) I was in a stadium to see a football game with a friend. However, we soon realized that we were in the wrong stadium as a baseball game was starting. The stadium we wanted was down the street a few blocks. We couldn't figure why the person at theg ate had allowed us in with the wrong tickets.

Origijoke #4

2004-11-12T11:10:00.000-08:00

Q. Why couldn't they bury anymore rappers at the Compton Cemetery?
A. It was 2-Pac'd.

Origijoke #3

2004-11-02T15:24:00.000-08:00

Q. What did the Kosher baker use to fend off the neighbourhood thugs?
A. Judo.

Or...
Q. Did you ever find it odd that Hitler allied the Nazis with the Japanese?
A. He was under the impression they had a lot of "Jew dough".

Steelers Rule The World

2004-11-01T17:02:00.000-08:00

21 games. The longest winning streak in NFL history. It could only be brought to a crashing halt by one team. That team, of course, is the Pittsburgh Steelers. The Curtain is back.

Documentally Yours

2004-11-01T11:23:00.000-08:00

Last week I finally had the chance to watch (with much anticipation) Michael Moore's Farhenheit 9/11. I was expecting to be moved, provoked, outraged - anything but disappointed. Moore's previous docu-detective efforts that I have seen (Roger & Me, Bowling For Columbine) were "fresh", "entertaining" and "engaging" (to use some hip film-criticky adjectives). Unfortunately Moore seems to be so intent on portraying George W. Bush as a pedomorphic war-monger through the man's own words that the viewer is left watching 2 hours and 2 minutes of trite video editing that seems more like the work of college docu-activists rather than a seasoned and award-winning documentarian. Now, I won't disagree with the argument that Bush is more like a spoiled child with a bazooka than a statesman, but I already thought that before the film. I learned nothing new, found nothing shocking and ended up a wee bit bored.
Furthermore, this came just two weeks after being disappointed by another documentary that I was told would "blow my mind" and cause me to "never eat there again". Super-size Me was another big let down. How could people have been "shocked" by this film? Surprised? Again, another superfluous two hours of "informative" viewing. Jackass meets Bowling for Columbine was about the extent of it - but unfortunately it was mostly the former.
At the very least though, these films have allowed me to use docu- as a prefix more than any other time in my life. And it was fun. Docu-fun.

Junkies

2004-10-20T15:29:00.000-07:00

Q1. Did you hear about the crackhead whose favorite sport was base ball?

Q2. Did you hear about the cokehead who lost the pool tournament because he was stuck behind the 8-Ball?

Vancouver Update

2004-10-20T15:24:00.000-07:00

I just heard on the radio that there is now a calendar for sale that is a collection of pictures of the (notoriously drug-ridden) Downtown Eastside.
Too bad it only shows weak days.

Or maybe it only shows fry days.

Or I guess it's based on the loonie calendar.

Origijoke #9: Women's Baseball

2004-10-20T15:22:00.000-07:00

Q. What did the ball park's locker room custodian find after the women's baseball team had run out of tampons?
A. red socks

Origijoke #8: More Than Just Tennis Racquets

2004-10-20T15:17:00.000-07:00

Q. What did Jimmy's Porsche have when he made floor mats out of his wife's dead cat?
A. Car pet.

Origijoke #7: Damn Good Deed

2004-10-20T15:15:00.000-07:00

That junkie hooker who saved the old lady from being mugged was a real heroine.

Origijoke #6: Hippie Mom

2004-10-20T15:10:00.000-07:00

Little Moonbeam hated cooked vegetables and stubbornly refused to clean his plate. His hippie mom looked at him with a compassionate smile and said "C'mon, give peas a chance."

Origijoke #5: Dubya & Sadam

2004-10-20T15:08:00.000-07:00

Sadam Hussein and George Bush walk into Ray's Pool Hall for a quick game of snooker. Sadam looks at Bush and says, "You break Iraq."

Presuffix Part 2

2004-10-15T15:12:00.000-07:00

The hunt continues in this gripping, nailbiting endeavour! But first, germane definitions for both suffix and prefix are required. Simple yes? Everyone knows what a prefix and suffix are. Here are two amended definitions that seem to do the trick:

prefix: An affix (consisting of one or more letters or syllables), such as dis- in disbelieve, attached to the front of a word to produce a derivative word or an inflected form.

suffix: An affix (be it a letter, letters, syllable, or syllables) added or appended to the end of a word or stem, serving to form a new word, modify the meaning, or functioning as an inflectional ending, such as -ness in gentleness, -ing in walking, or -s in sits.

Problem: All of the common definitions I found for prefix referred to attaching it in front of a word. Apply such a definition to the word conjure. If con- is the prefix (as was used in a dicitonary's example) then jure must be the word. And what the hell is a jure?

Solution: Morphemes. No, not morphine (although a great solution in and of itself to many other problems). A morpheme is the smallest meaningful unit in a given language. A look back at the catalyst for this linguistic journey: unbelievable. It has three morphemes un-, (negatory) a bound morpheme, believe a free morpheme, and -able. Un- is also a prefix, -able is a suffix. Both are affixes. Bound morphemes like un- appear only together with other morphemes while free morphemes can (unsurprisingly) stand alone or appear with other morphemes. Simple.

So, the amended amended definition for prefix should avoid referring to a word and instead include our friend the morpheme.

prefix: An affix (consisting of one or more letters or syllables), such as dis- in disbelieve, attached to the front of a morpheme to produce a derivative word or an inflected form.

The suffix definitions tended to include "stem" or "root" as well as "word" which circumvent this whole crazy problem. Wow! I have to much free time at work. And look at the time!

Unable to Believe

2004-10-15T11:16:00.000-07:00

Believe is a word. Add the suffix -able and the result is believable. Add the prefix un- and the result is unbelievable. Remove the root word believe and you find yourself unable.

Q. How many other words are made solely of prefix and suffix? Stay tuned...

Origijoke #4: Jewish Ninja

2004-10-06T11:17:00.000-07:00

Q. What was the Jewish ninja's favorite weapon?
A. His Throwing Star of David.

Oirigijoke #3: Dali

2004-10-06T10:57:00.000-07:00

Q. Why did Salvador Dali get fired from REMAX?
A. For selling surreal estate.

I'm... uhh...uhh...uhh...George Dubya... uhh...

2004-09-30T21:42:00.000-07:00

Oh. My. God. If victory in tonight's presidential debate is indicative of future victory in the presidential race then John Kerry will not only be the next president of the USA but Georgie Boy spoke so horrendously that there may be a public outcry to revoke his American citizenship. What a stammering, maladroit, repetitive embarassment. It's almost incomprehensible that this man achieved such a level of power (and clearly obvious that he did not do it on his own). He stumbled through the same (poorly) memorized spiels again and again. And then he would offer a lengthy pause, a little bit of "uhh... uhh... uhh..." and then repeat something he had said not more than four minutes previously. Uhhhhhhh... I counted one pause for FIVE full seconds. And I'm talking about the "1-1000, 2-1000, 3-1000, 4-1000, 5-1000" type of counting! Maybe after he loses he can see if there are any career opportunities in Iraq.

Nothing New But A Dream

2004-09-30T08:22:00.000-07:00

There is nothing remarkable about having an unremarkable week. It is in fact, I would argue, the norm for most.

Origijoke #2: Bookkeeper

2004-09-22T13:55:00.000-07:00

My brother recently finished his studies and became a full-fledged CGA (Chartered General Accountant). Strangely, he's been having a tough time landing a job. Near-broke and desperate, last Friday he went to our uncle's restaurant pleading for employment but still didn't get a job. I guess there's no accounting for taste.

Dream or Reality?

2004-09-22T11:57:00.000-07:00

Fell asleep on the sofa Monday night with the TV on. Woke up to the news. Half-sleeping I listened to a story about some guy from Bellevue (Washington I think, but perhaps the psychiatric institution) who was arrested after he pulled down his pants in a supermarket and defecated in the middle of an aisle. Due to my early morning haze I wonder if this story is true or half-true or completely imagined. "Clean up in aisle six. Aisle six, clean up. Aisle six? ... Anyone?"

Origijoke #1: Werewolf

2004-09-22T09:50:00.000-07:00

My brother thought he was a werewolf. He was drinking all my beer so I switched to Coors Light.

Little Coincidences

2004-09-22T09:40:00.000-07:00

I just had a customer named Eric Eriksson. (That's a double Eric). Then, the customer immediately following was inquiring about a business on Erickson Street. (That's a triple Eric).

Priceless

2004-09-21T15:44:00.000-07:00

Production costs for 30-second television ad: $318,000.
Advertising Agency commission: $47,7000
Cost to air one 30-second spot during the Super Bowl: $2 Million
Cost of never hearing another annoying Mastercard Priceless ad: Priceless

What's in a Name?

2004-09-21T14:39:00.000-07:00

Just at work now and had to phone a customer a few minutes ago. I dialed, it rang and a woman answered.
Me: Hello, may I speak to Jason Smith please.
She: This is.
Me: Yes, Jason please.
She: Speaking.
Me: Jason?
She: YES?!
Me: Oh, hello. I'm calling concerning a request for information you put in with [my company].
She: Oh ... let me get my husband, he knows more about that.

Freak of the Week #1

2004-09-20T21:42:00.000-07:00

A normal looking clean-cut guy wearing sun glasses pulled up to the sidewalk on his bicycle yesterday a few feet from my friend and me. He started talking to the woman sitting on the becnch in front of us. Or so we thought. She thought he was talking to us. I couldn't tell where he was looking due to his big black Ray Bans.
"The Safeway is gone and is going to be new. Oprah's worth 80 million dollars. That's a lot of money. It doesn't matter though. You can give it away and it's good. That's Oprah. That's good. Guess how much I'm worth. Would you believe that I'm worth $750,000? You would think that but I am. 750,000 is what I'm worth. But I don't care. It means nothing to me."
Then he smiled and laughed and rode away down the street.

Cooking Without Salt

2004-09-20T21:29:00.000-07:00

Simply don't add salt. However, salt adds great flavour to many dishes. But one should avoid adding it to sweet n' sugary recipes. I made salt and chocolate fondu once and it was not as tasty as usual (sans sel).

First Blog

2004-09-18T14:18:00.000-07:00

This blog will be neither spectacular or even interesting. It will likely go unmaintained or updated for extended periods of time. This is unfortunate due to the fact that there is a lot to be said here, however, lack of motivation, confidence and follow through does not permit this blog to succeed in any way, shape or form that a blog measures success.